1 00:00:14,190 --> 00:00:17,230 Paddy, it's no good. They know where we are. 2 00:00:17,990 --> 00:00:19,290 We surrender. 3 00:00:19,750 --> 00:00:20,870 We surrender. We surrender. We surrender. 4 00:00:22,610 --> 00:00:27,630 This is the Benny Hill Show, with the help of all my favorites, including the 5 00:00:27,630 --> 00:00:28,970 swinging thriftles. 6 00:00:30,650 --> 00:00:33,410 And to resist, so I try. 7 00:00:34,550 --> 00:00:38,190 But if I didn't come here... 8 00:00:38,190 --> 00:00:43,210 Gold and silver. 9 00:00:53,040 --> 00:00:55,700 The first one down, the lovely Marianne Faithfull. 10 00:01:02,920 --> 00:01:05,459 The hero, Gino. 11 00:01:07,680 --> 00:01:09,600 The hero, Gino. 12 00:01:38,670 --> 00:01:41,210 And the lad is called Jerry Hill. 13 00:01:46,550 --> 00:01:53,110 Ladies and gentlemen, it is not 14 00:01:53,110 --> 00:01:59,910 generally known that the island of Luana or Polynesia to be Pacific. 15 00:02:01,390 --> 00:02:04,430 Oh, God. 16 00:02:05,710 --> 00:02:08,710 has the largest female population in the world. 17 00:02:08,949 --> 00:02:14,070 And when I say large, I don't mean numbers. I mean they are big. 18 00:02:17,130 --> 00:02:18,930 God, they are big! 19 00:02:20,070 --> 00:02:22,070 Oh, the pains are coming back. 20 00:02:22,330 --> 00:02:27,630 But the average size of the average Loenese woman is 52. 21 00:02:29,190 --> 00:02:30,190 19. 22 00:02:31,250 --> 00:02:34,090 Because nothing will grow in the shade out there. 23 00:02:39,100 --> 00:02:40,620 Everyone's cups of tea. 24 00:02:41,980 --> 00:02:44,340 But personally, I look at it like this. 25 00:02:48,220 --> 00:02:53,340 They make my wife look like a midget because my wife's only about so 26 00:02:53,340 --> 00:02:55,860 high. 27 00:02:56,860 --> 00:03:00,560 God, she is stupid. The other day they gave her the key to the city. 28 00:03:00,920 --> 00:03:02,540 She locked herself out. 29 00:03:03,560 --> 00:03:08,100 Thank God. But while I was in Luana, I had the pleasure. 30 00:03:09,450 --> 00:03:16,250 several times of meeting the chief there 31 00:03:16,250 --> 00:03:17,890 and his 17 wives. 32 00:03:18,750 --> 00:03:22,050 17! God, all that meat and no potatoes. 33 00:03:23,510 --> 00:03:27,450 He was a funny little fellow, you know, white hair and wizened old little nog 34 00:03:27,450 --> 00:03:28,890 hands, about 30. 35 00:03:30,270 --> 00:03:35,430 He wrote a very beautiful song once, and it was only four verses long, and I 36 00:03:35,430 --> 00:03:39,440 have translated it into English. In English, it is called... She was only a 37 00:03:39,440 --> 00:03:42,160 stockbroker's daughter, but everyone got his share. 38 00:03:44,600 --> 00:03:45,600 Please yourself. 39 00:03:45,820 --> 00:03:51,980 Well, he wrote these four verses, and before he could write the fifth verse, 40 00:03:51,980 --> 00:03:56,060 got trapped in a revolving door with two hula -hula dancers. 41 00:03:57,100 --> 00:03:58,100 Big ones! 42 00:03:59,780 --> 00:04:02,340 And he was massaged to death. 43 00:04:10,250 --> 00:04:15,370 song now there's only four verses not quite cute so here we go with his on the 44 00:04:15,370 --> 00:04:20,230 beach in Waikiki there lives a lovely maid who cannot keep her body still when 45 00:04:20,230 --> 00:04:24,570 her favorite song is played but if you sing the chorus in Hawaiian they say 46 00:04:24,570 --> 00:04:30,170 she'll appear not only will she dance but she'll give you her souvenir her 47 00:04:30,170 --> 00:04:31,170 goes 48 00:05:03,270 --> 00:05:04,270 little bit quicker. 49 00:05:04,550 --> 00:05:08,010 One day she bought a book so she could learn to water ski. 50 00:05:08,470 --> 00:05:11,770 Then she spent a fortnight looking for a sloping sea. 51 00:05:11,970 --> 00:05:15,390 But with Luna in her long grass skirt, the excitement never stopped. 52 00:05:15,610 --> 00:05:19,390 And all the farmers say they love the way that she rotates her crops. 53 00:05:38,440 --> 00:05:39,820 a pigeon on a hot pavement. 54 00:05:40,720 --> 00:05:44,160 I'd love to see her in 3D. 55 00:05:44,920 --> 00:05:46,280 That's my room number. 56 00:05:47,560 --> 00:05:48,560 Third verse. 57 00:05:49,220 --> 00:05:52,840 We lay upon the sand one day beneath the cloudless sky. 58 00:05:53,060 --> 00:05:57,460 I bought her a crimson rose to match her bloodshot eyes. Oh, she got a little 59 00:05:57,460 --> 00:06:02,540 bolder. My shy young thing, I said. She got a little bolder and she dropped it 60 00:06:02,540 --> 00:06:03,540 on my head. 61 00:06:20,020 --> 00:06:22,560 Manuna. Reminds me I must get some hot -cooked frozen fruit. 62 00:06:26,000 --> 00:06:27,700 Hang on to your hernia belt. 63 00:06:30,720 --> 00:06:32,620 Fourth and last verse. Okay. 64 00:06:33,280 --> 00:06:37,000 He said you give me half a crown and I will read your palm. 65 00:06:37,690 --> 00:06:42,450 Then she saw my love line went halfway up me arm. So now she's changed her 66 00:06:42,450 --> 00:06:44,730 prices, although she's just as willing. 67 00:06:45,010 --> 00:06:48,690 It's big fat men at two pound ten and little boys a shilling. 68 00:06:50,370 --> 00:06:52,030 Come on, kids, all right! 69 00:07:27,150 --> 00:07:29,670 won't disappoint them. I'll tell you what, I'll give you a roll on the drum. 70 00:07:37,250 --> 00:07:41,190 Manuna, Manuna, Manuna. Just a minute, what does Manuna mean? 71 00:07:41,730 --> 00:07:44,870 It is what girls say to boys while walking through cow field. 72 00:07:45,110 --> 00:07:47,570 She say, don't tread in Manuna. 73 00:08:54,670 --> 00:08:57,250 Lord Denby, a footman, gardener and handyman. 74 00:09:13,950 --> 00:09:20,850 While Lady Denby's maid 75 00:09:20,850 --> 00:09:23,330 was a charming creature named Emily Turnbull. 76 00:09:25,420 --> 00:09:28,880 And on Sundays, George would entertain his lordship's guests on the flute. 77 00:09:31,040 --> 00:09:33,260 While Miss Emily played the virginal. 78 00:09:33,940 --> 00:09:35,260 She didn't fool anyone. 79 00:09:40,320 --> 00:09:45,340 So it came as no surprise to the village when on September the 15th, 1907, they 80 00:09:45,340 --> 00:09:46,640 became man and wife. 81 00:09:47,660 --> 00:09:50,220 Their honeymoon was spent in Bognor Regis. 82 00:10:14,990 --> 00:10:17,870 and her son Gavin, after a sailor she once used. 83 00:10:19,270 --> 00:10:21,190 Listen to him talk. 84 00:10:21,630 --> 00:10:24,130 Aye, and he'm only seven years old. 85 00:10:29,530 --> 00:10:31,210 There's musical he is. 86 00:10:33,890 --> 00:10:38,390 1914, and George Blod was sent to fight in German East Africa. 87 00:10:38,770 --> 00:10:39,970 He never returned. 88 00:10:40,770 --> 00:10:43,630 Instead, he married a Ubangi lady and settled in Congo. 89 00:10:47,030 --> 00:10:49,750 Heartbroken, Emily went to live at Frinton -on -Sea. 90 00:10:50,530 --> 00:10:56,190 Her many kind friends set up a fund to send little Gavin to Milan, or Paris, or 91 00:10:56,190 --> 00:10:57,190 anywhere. 92 00:11:02,350 --> 00:11:05,270 After all, boys will be boys. 93 00:11:05,890 --> 00:11:07,370 Nescaf. Nescaf. 94 00:11:08,350 --> 00:11:14,700 But, you know, as a child, Gavin was a delicate, sensitive, rather... highly 95 00:11:14,700 --> 00:11:15,900 strong little boy. 96 00:11:16,820 --> 00:11:21,780 But at this time he was helping me to write my 97 00:11:21,780 --> 00:11:24,480 music for the dance. 98 00:11:24,800 --> 00:11:26,020 Your belly, sweet. 99 00:11:26,480 --> 00:11:28,100 Oh, thank you very much. 100 00:11:28,500 --> 00:11:29,500 Oh, 101 00:11:31,040 --> 00:11:37,860 pardon. After that, you see, he began decomposing all by 102 00:11:37,860 --> 00:11:38,860 himself. 103 00:11:39,400 --> 00:11:42,020 1939. The war clouds were gathering. 104 00:11:42,400 --> 00:11:45,220 In England, young men gallantly answered the call to arms. 105 00:11:45,460 --> 00:11:47,120 Gavin Blod was no exception. 106 00:13:17,100 --> 00:13:20,720 for the front. On the dockside crowds were singing and cheering and laughing 107 00:13:20,720 --> 00:13:22,220 because they weren't going. 108 00:13:54,380 --> 00:13:55,920 his love of music into others. 109 00:14:09,140 --> 00:14:12,880 Gavin was tireless in his efforts to entertain his fellow children. 110 00:14:44,910 --> 00:14:45,910 only escape. 111 00:14:47,630 --> 00:14:51,790 Two days afterwards, Germany surrendered and Gavin settled down in Vienna. 112 00:14:52,990 --> 00:14:59,790 You know, during the war, everybody 113 00:14:59,790 --> 00:15:01,350 here in Vienna was poor. 114 00:15:01,810 --> 00:15:06,730 I was poor, my wife was poor, the butler was poor, the maid was poor. 115 00:15:08,050 --> 00:15:11,730 But it was this poverty that brought all the people together. 116 00:15:12,430 --> 00:15:16,930 You would see advertisements in the newspaper saying, Communists with a 117 00:15:16,930 --> 00:15:20,010 and fork wishes to meet capitalists with steak and kidney pudding. 118 00:15:23,190 --> 00:15:24,190 Bravo! 119 00:15:25,710 --> 00:15:26,710 Dankeschön. 120 00:15:27,170 --> 00:15:30,810 I think that Gavin Vlad came here for the music. 121 00:15:31,370 --> 00:15:35,910 After all, where else but in Vienna would you find music? 122 00:15:37,770 --> 00:15:38,770 Like this. 123 00:15:39,210 --> 00:15:40,330 Played with Dutch. 124 00:15:43,560 --> 00:15:50,160 And I would say, Al, would you find musicians like this? Will you shut your 125 00:15:50,160 --> 00:15:51,160 bloody mouth? 126 00:15:52,180 --> 00:15:59,060 But, you know, seriously, I think that the cause of Gavin's 127 00:15:59,060 --> 00:16:01,920 downfall was Maria the opera singer. 128 00:16:02,300 --> 00:16:04,920 She was dead a woman. 129 00:16:05,280 --> 00:16:07,260 That's what everybody kept asking. 130 00:16:14,280 --> 00:16:19,420 In 1949, Gavin fell in love with opera singer Maria Carlo. It was her voice 131 00:16:19,420 --> 00:16:20,420 first attracted him. 132 00:17:02,000 --> 00:17:03,000 1950. 133 00:17:52,170 --> 00:17:53,330 Gavin returned to England. 134 00:17:53,770 --> 00:17:57,550 He was a wonderful man. He was a wonderful man. 135 00:17:57,790 --> 00:17:59,470 He could play anything. 136 00:17:59,830 --> 00:18:06,330 He would kneel up in the serenade. He would play Finkel's Cave or 137 00:18:06,330 --> 00:18:11,310 Overture of the Hebrides. He played that. I mean, the four Indian love 138 00:18:11,310 --> 00:18:12,550 Amy Woodford Bypass. 139 00:18:12,830 --> 00:18:13,830 I mean, 140 00:18:14,950 --> 00:18:18,130 you could be in a pub with him all night long and you would never even know he 141 00:18:18,130 --> 00:18:19,130 had a penny. 142 00:18:22,280 --> 00:18:26,000 He used to say, I'll drink to my two favourite composers. 143 00:18:26,500 --> 00:18:27,920 Mozart and Liszt. 144 00:18:28,320 --> 00:18:30,240 No, he only drank champagne. 145 00:18:31,940 --> 00:18:37,520 And then he wrote this, what they call it, electronic music for the 146 00:18:37,520 --> 00:18:43,260 documentary about the new computerised postal service. 147 00:18:43,640 --> 00:18:44,640 What happened? 148 00:18:44,700 --> 00:18:46,160 He got lost in the post. 149 00:18:46,540 --> 00:18:50,980 In the advent of pop, there was less and less demand for gabby kind of music. 150 00:19:06,120 --> 00:19:10,580 62, overcome with remorse and chronic fatality, he took to his bed where he 151 00:19:10,580 --> 00:19:11,760 remained for three years. 152 00:19:15,780 --> 00:19:21,260 Is the vicar gone yet? No, it wasn't the vicar. It was the doctor. 153 00:19:21,860 --> 00:19:24,940 I thought he was a bit familiar with the vicar. 154 00:19:27,880 --> 00:19:30,000 You've eaten your bread poachers again, haven't you? 155 00:19:38,830 --> 00:19:39,830 Don't worry, old fellow. 156 00:19:39,930 --> 00:19:41,830 We'll have you on your feet in no time. 157 00:19:43,090 --> 00:19:46,750 I don't have a job getting a coffin down these stairs. 158 00:20:26,890 --> 00:20:33,710 And so on May the 12th, 1974, Gavin Blunt died of stomach cancer. 159 00:20:36,170 --> 00:20:40,350 And so he never heard the brass band from the village where he was born, just 160 00:20:40,350 --> 00:20:46,530 outside Wedlock, play his tone poem, Bird of Freedom, which perhaps was just 161 00:20:46,530 --> 00:20:47,530 well. 162 00:21:09,130 --> 00:21:14,290 and we can't drive, and they want toilet, and we can't type, and then over 163 00:21:14,450 --> 00:21:18,230 they want three fellers, and there's only two of us. 164 00:21:20,210 --> 00:21:26,650 Ladies and gentlemen, will you now welcome, please, the enchanting Lee 165 00:21:38,760 --> 00:21:45,600 music when he's near you and Christmas comes every day of the 166 00:21:45,600 --> 00:21:52,600 year then you should know why it's the first clue that the 167 00:21:52,600 --> 00:21:58,300 moment of truth is near if every time he 168 00:21:58,300 --> 00:22:04,980 glances your way a million bells start to ring loud and 169 00:22:04,980 --> 00:22:11,540 clear and after one kiss You yell May Day, then the 170 00:22:11,540 --> 00:22:13,580 moment of truth is here. 171 00:22:38,640 --> 00:22:42,400 Oh, promise me starts to sing in your ear. 172 00:22:42,860 --> 00:22:45,000 You're wide awake girl. 173 00:23:48,300 --> 00:23:49,300 Promise me. 174 00:24:46,320 --> 00:24:47,840 He wasn't walking very fast. 175 00:24:49,320 --> 00:24:53,420 Look, I'll put out them cookies you made, because guess what? What, Mama? 176 00:24:53,420 --> 00:24:55,580 are going to have a gentleman cola. 177 00:24:56,580 --> 00:24:58,580 A gentleman cola. 178 00:25:00,200 --> 00:25:05,640 A gentleman cola. 179 00:25:07,660 --> 00:25:09,220 Speak to me. 180 00:25:11,240 --> 00:25:14,340 Mama, you act like it's the first time it's ever happened. Well, I've had 181 00:25:14,340 --> 00:25:15,209 gentleman cola. 182 00:25:15,210 --> 00:25:16,210 pull it before. 183 00:25:16,430 --> 00:25:18,750 Well, Mama, I can marry any man I please. 184 00:25:18,970 --> 00:25:20,670 But you don't please any of them, do you? 185 00:25:21,410 --> 00:25:23,690 Look how you treated that poor Knowerton Short. 186 00:25:23,970 --> 00:25:25,770 Poor Knowerton Short? 187 00:25:26,610 --> 00:25:29,950 Mama, Knowerton Short was not a knower -mower man. 188 00:25:30,450 --> 00:25:32,170 Oh, but his own driving movie. 189 00:25:32,590 --> 00:25:34,850 So as he could look at the wall -to -wall carpet. 190 00:25:35,730 --> 00:25:38,210 He left the people over 70 and free. 191 00:25:38,490 --> 00:25:41,070 Only if they was accompanied by their parents. 192 00:25:43,180 --> 00:25:48,720 Were you faithful to him? Mama, I was faithful to Norton Short several times. 193 00:25:49,580 --> 00:25:54,780 Why did you ask Elmer Briggs? Elmer Briggs? Holy cow, Mama. I seen a nice 194 00:25:54,780 --> 00:25:57,880 engagement ring in a jeweler's window, and I said, Elmer, why don't you go buy 195 00:25:57,880 --> 00:25:58,880 it? 196 00:26:10,700 --> 00:26:14,020 I like him because you said he was the city slicker. He was a street cleaner. 197 00:26:14,260 --> 00:26:15,260 Well, that's the same thing. 198 00:26:16,160 --> 00:26:18,980 Baby, we just got to get you a rich husband. 199 00:26:19,260 --> 00:26:21,220 We can't go on like this. 200 00:26:21,480 --> 00:26:25,240 So when he comes, please be nice to him for Mama. 201 00:26:28,940 --> 00:26:32,840 Mama, it is not me that puts him off. It is you. 202 00:26:33,500 --> 00:26:37,100 Mama, do you remember when you had to drive Jed and me down to the Clambake? 203 00:26:37,100 --> 00:26:39,520 were sitting in the back of the van. sparking and all you had to do was 204 00:26:39,520 --> 00:26:42,880 the white line down the center of the road, you had to go and follow a cow 205 00:26:42,880 --> 00:26:43,880 was late for milking. 206 00:26:46,600 --> 00:26:51,140 When we got to the clam bank, you had to go and put an egg in your malted milk. 207 00:26:51,640 --> 00:26:55,820 Well, lots of people have egg in their malted milk. But not fried, Mama. 208 00:26:57,040 --> 00:27:02,100 And then when you seen Jed's poor grandpappy's tombstone there hanging on 209 00:27:02,100 --> 00:27:06,120 that long piece of wire, you had to go and say, I see you got the phone put in. 210 00:27:14,640 --> 00:27:18,520 Do you remember, Mama, when I was a little bitty baby, whenever I fell down 211 00:27:18,520 --> 00:27:19,520 hurt my knee? 212 00:27:19,580 --> 00:27:23,060 I used to come to you, didn't I, Mama? And I'd say, Mama, can I have a cookie? 213 00:27:24,720 --> 00:27:31,300 And when I lost my tidy buyer and my wooly offender and 214 00:27:31,300 --> 00:27:36,920 my little dollies, I used to come and I'd say, Mama, can I have a cookie? 215 00:27:37,500 --> 00:27:43,460 And then, that day when my own dear, sweet, wonderful little pet skunk 216 00:27:46,510 --> 00:27:48,550 I said, Mama, can I have a cookie? 217 00:27:48,850 --> 00:27:52,430 No. Now, what did you bloody give me one? I don't have no money. 218 00:27:53,290 --> 00:27:56,850 I don't care. I'm taking them up Choctaw Ridge because I like to eat them up 219 00:27:56,850 --> 00:27:59,810 there. Don't know why it's so quiet up there. It's like a graveyard. 220 00:28:00,390 --> 00:28:06,310 Child, I never told you this before, but your daddy proposed to me on Choctaw 221 00:28:06,310 --> 00:28:10,130 Ridge. And when I accepted him, he was so... 222 00:29:35,180 --> 00:29:39,700 three daughters are all pregnant and they claim that you are responsible. 223 00:29:39,960 --> 00:29:40,960 Is that true, Lester? 224 00:29:41,480 --> 00:29:43,240 Lester, I do believe you're blushing. 225 00:29:45,820 --> 00:29:50,860 Lester, that is the twelfth time that it's happened this year and it's only 226 00:29:50,860 --> 00:29:52,140 January the fourth. 227 00:29:53,880 --> 00:29:54,880 Lester. 228 00:29:57,200 --> 00:29:58,340 The door, ma 'am. 229 00:29:58,560 --> 00:30:00,140 I have to believe it is. 230 00:30:00,620 --> 00:30:03,160 Now, don't rush yourself. You better go and have a lie down. 231 00:30:20,750 --> 00:30:21,750 and I'd like to see you too. 232 00:30:22,070 --> 00:30:23,090 Why, Mr. 233 00:30:23,850 --> 00:30:27,650 Arbustnut, my, you look so immaculate, don't he, sissy? 234 00:30:27,970 --> 00:30:30,510 Yeah. Oh, this is my daughter, sissy. 235 00:30:30,870 --> 00:30:32,750 Hi. Not from here, you wink. 236 00:30:33,890 --> 00:30:35,750 Now, why don't you join Mr. 237 00:30:36,210 --> 00:30:37,790 Arbustnut? Why, is he coming to part? 238 00:30:41,750 --> 00:30:44,510 It's a little warm for this time of the year. 239 00:30:44,730 --> 00:30:48,110 It sure as hell is. Why, I'm sweating like a horse's armpit. 240 00:30:51,600 --> 00:30:54,260 Well, who wanted to marry my daughter, sissy? Only the mayor. 241 00:30:54,580 --> 00:30:55,940 He was corrupt. 242 00:30:56,360 --> 00:31:00,980 I seen him in church on Sunday. So did I. He crept into the crypt. 243 00:31:40,739 --> 00:31:47,680 I guess you two young 'uns would like to 244 00:31:47,680 --> 00:31:48,439 be left alone. 245 00:31:48,440 --> 00:31:49,440 Yeah, sure as hell would. 246 00:32:02,160 --> 00:32:04,000 Why didn't you mind the mayor? 247 00:32:04,380 --> 00:32:06,860 On account of a name he called me. 248 00:32:07,160 --> 00:32:08,160 What name was that? 249 00:32:08,440 --> 00:32:11,320 Well, I don't rightly remember, but I know it began with the B. 250 00:32:11,900 --> 00:32:12,900 Was it beautiful? 251 00:32:13,320 --> 00:32:14,660 No, it wasn't beautiful. 252 00:32:15,200 --> 00:32:17,280 Baby? No, it wasn't baby. 253 00:32:17,700 --> 00:32:19,000 It wasn't? No, it wasn't. 254 00:32:19,690 --> 00:32:20,950 And it began with a B. 255 00:32:21,550 --> 00:32:22,910 Oh, I remember now. 256 00:32:23,490 --> 00:32:24,490 Honey. 257 00:32:27,470 --> 00:32:30,450 My, but you're an interesting and exciting little critter, ain't you? 258 00:32:33,290 --> 00:32:34,350 I'm a little shy. 259 00:32:34,790 --> 00:32:38,670 Well, ugly little four -eyed skinny baldy shrimp like you ought to have more 260 00:32:38,670 --> 00:32:39,670 confidence. 261 00:32:40,190 --> 00:32:43,310 You don't have a terrible picture of me? I look like a monkey. 262 00:32:43,690 --> 00:32:45,610 You should have thought of that before you had it taken. 263 00:32:49,740 --> 00:32:51,380 I thought that, yeah, I thought that, yeah. 264 00:32:54,540 --> 00:32:58,440 Oh, ain't no two ways about it. You sure are an ugly little critter, ain't you? 265 00:32:58,680 --> 00:33:01,220 Well, I didn't ask to be born. 266 00:33:01,640 --> 00:33:03,500 You didn't want to stay where you were, did you? 267 00:33:04,480 --> 00:33:07,540 Did you get out? No, I didn't. Okay, then. Listen, listen, listen. 268 00:33:07,920 --> 00:33:09,800 Someone left the gas on. What's going on? 269 00:33:10,000 --> 00:33:13,200 What? I have a very important question I want to ask. 270 00:33:13,420 --> 00:33:15,220 Then hold everything you want to ask. 271 00:33:19,020 --> 00:33:24,060 Mrs. Shippy, you know my Martha has been gone three years. 272 00:33:24,300 --> 00:33:25,500 She ought to be there by now. 273 00:33:26,880 --> 00:33:28,260 But I've been faithful. 274 00:33:28,640 --> 00:33:32,260 I think adultery's just as wicked as murder. Don't you agree, Sissy? 275 00:33:32,460 --> 00:33:34,320 I don't know. I ain't never killed no one myself. 276 00:33:35,100 --> 00:33:37,740 Mrs. Shippy, will you marry me? 277 00:33:38,020 --> 00:33:40,880 Me? I thought you wanted to marry Sissy here. 278 00:33:41,220 --> 00:33:45,320 What? That great ugly lump? I wouldn't kiss her with a set of boned lips. 279 00:33:50,000 --> 00:33:52,260 I have never been so insulted in all my life. 280 00:33:52,480 --> 00:33:54,280 That's because you don't get around enough. 281 00:33:57,440 --> 00:34:03,860 Why... Why, of course I'll marry you. 282 00:34:04,120 --> 00:34:07,580 But what's going to happen to my little girl? Don't worry about me, Mama. I know 283 00:34:07,580 --> 00:34:09,400 who I'm going to marry. Hey, Lester! 284 00:34:10,120 --> 00:34:14,280 Child! Are you out of your cotton -picking mind, Mary Lester? Why, he 285 00:34:14,280 --> 00:34:15,280 breathe. I know that. 286 00:34:15,550 --> 00:34:16,388 He can't write. 287 00:34:16,389 --> 00:34:17,188 I know that. 288 00:34:17,190 --> 00:34:18,489 He can't even speak proper. 289 00:34:18,730 --> 00:34:19,730 I know that. 290 00:34:19,830 --> 00:34:21,350 Well, what in heaven's name can he do? 291 00:34:25,330 --> 00:34:26,330 Come on. 292 00:34:40,760 --> 00:34:44,500 I think you remember that last week's winner was Peter Potty and his 293 00:34:44,500 --> 00:34:45,500 pig. 294 00:34:45,800 --> 00:34:50,360 He will not be going on to our all -winner show on February 31st, as last 295 00:34:50,360 --> 00:34:53,139 he had a rather lean week and had to eat the act. 296 00:34:53,760 --> 00:34:57,800 His place will be taken by the act that came in second, that very talented 297 00:34:57,800 --> 00:35:00,660 soprano from Cardiff, Arthur Treader. 298 00:35:02,800 --> 00:35:07,840 And so we come to our last act this evening. They come from British West 299 00:35:08,350 --> 00:35:12,690 They are all related to each other. They've done two cabal performances on 300 00:35:12,690 --> 00:35:13,690 Woolwich Ferry. 301 00:35:13,710 --> 00:35:18,230 They've appeared in front of the President of the United Dairies. And 302 00:35:18,230 --> 00:35:20,350 the versatile Bentwoods. 303 00:36:54,920 --> 00:36:55,718 That was right. 304 00:36:55,720 --> 00:36:57,820 And let's meet the youngest member of the family. 305 00:36:58,680 --> 00:37:02,840 Could I have a chair, please? 306 00:37:03,700 --> 00:37:05,800 Thank you. Why don't you throw it on? 307 00:37:08,820 --> 00:37:10,060 Hello, my little man. 308 00:37:10,260 --> 00:37:11,260 What's your name? 309 00:37:11,380 --> 00:37:13,340 They call me Jolly Jack. 310 00:37:13,760 --> 00:37:15,660 Ta. You're welcome. 311 00:37:17,040 --> 00:37:18,400 Never mind about that, then. 312 00:37:18,840 --> 00:37:20,300 Tell me, what hung like you? 313 00:37:20,560 --> 00:37:21,820 Yes, three brothers. 314 00:37:22,220 --> 00:37:24,420 Vladimir, Ivan, and... Igor. 315 00:37:25,020 --> 00:37:26,560 Tell me, were your parents Russian? 316 00:37:26,860 --> 00:37:28,880 No, they just took their time. 317 00:37:29,220 --> 00:37:30,520 Never mind about that, then. 318 00:37:31,400 --> 00:37:37,000 Cormis, if I told you you had a lovely figure, would you hold it against me? 319 00:37:37,380 --> 00:37:38,800 Never mind about that, then. 320 00:37:39,040 --> 00:37:43,160 I hope she never gets a cold in the chest. It won't want to go. 321 00:37:43,840 --> 00:37:47,040 Never mind about that, then. What are you going to do with that? 322 00:37:47,320 --> 00:37:52,180 I am going to drink this beer. And what am I going to do while you're drinking? 323 00:38:03,500 --> 00:38:04,500 Recite the alphabet. 324 00:38:05,140 --> 00:38:06,220 Recite the alphabet! 325 00:38:07,820 --> 00:38:08,820 Incotical! 326 00:38:09,200 --> 00:38:10,200 Ha -ha. 327 00:38:11,340 --> 00:38:15,220 We'll just see whether it's incotical or... incotical or not. 328 00:38:15,760 --> 00:38:21,280 Right, ready? Off you go. Right. A, B, C, D, E, F. 329 00:38:57,610 --> 00:39:02,410 A little bit of magic for the... That's the idea. 330 00:39:02,610 --> 00:39:03,610 Right, get off. 331 00:39:03,890 --> 00:39:04,890 Here we are. 332 00:39:06,410 --> 00:39:09,770 Here we are. 333 00:39:11,510 --> 00:39:12,510 Right. 334 00:39:13,450 --> 00:39:14,450 Don't worry, children. 335 00:39:14,810 --> 00:39:17,350 The quickness of the hand is the exact of the eye. 336 00:39:41,299 --> 00:39:42,640 Doggo, you know, that little toy there. 337 00:39:42,880 --> 00:39:46,820 I probably cost you quite a lot of money in any big store over Christmas with 338 00:39:46,820 --> 00:39:49,340 just a few little ordinary party balloons. 339 00:39:53,140 --> 00:39:54,420 Put it down. Put it down. 340 00:39:56,540 --> 00:39:57,540 Put it down! 341 00:40:31,400 --> 00:40:34,020 Yeah, he gives him a nice long straight body. I'll take a second. 342 00:40:45,160 --> 00:40:46,160 Oh! 343 00:40:49,080 --> 00:40:50,180 A few partly balloons. 344 00:40:50,820 --> 00:40:51,820 Nice thin body. 345 00:41:48,430 --> 00:41:49,430 That's the idea. 346 00:41:49,550 --> 00:41:56,330 And there we have a lovely toy that has probably cost you quite a lot of money. 347 00:44:03,180 --> 00:44:04,540 have the versatile ventures. 348 00:44:05,000 --> 00:44:09,500 Now, are they going to beat tonight's winner so far, who is happy backs with a 349 00:44:09,500 --> 00:44:10,500 hundred and seven? 350 00:44:10,520 --> 00:44:14,860 Well, we'll soon find out as we go for Mark's presentation, Ted Ray. 351 00:44:16,140 --> 00:44:19,000 Well, you know, I come from a large family myself. 352 00:44:19,380 --> 00:44:20,700 Well, fourteen of us, really. 353 00:44:21,280 --> 00:44:24,380 We used to put Mother on a pedestal. We had her to keep her away from Father. 354 00:44:25,520 --> 00:44:27,240 But I must say, I like the tiny fellow. 355 00:44:27,920 --> 00:44:30,100 Reminded me of my father, Arthur Askey. 356 00:44:30,300 --> 00:44:32,680 Arthur Askey. He's a nice little thing. 357 00:44:33,100 --> 00:44:34,480 Has he really? I didn't know that. 358 00:44:35,620 --> 00:44:40,600 No, I thought they were very good. Well done. And they should be. Now, how about 359 00:44:40,600 --> 00:44:41,600 you, Vicky, both? 360 00:44:41,920 --> 00:44:42,920 Uh, yeah. 361 00:44:43,120 --> 00:44:48,260 Well, I think their scene and their dancing was interesting and exciting. 362 00:44:48,500 --> 00:44:50,800 Their acting was quite nice, quite refreshing. Actually, terrific. 363 00:44:51,400 --> 00:44:53,740 But, um, you know, I've handled them all. 364 00:44:54,540 --> 00:44:55,600 Beatles, I've handled them. 365 00:44:55,840 --> 00:45:00,040 And, uh, Milliken and Nesbitt, I've handled them. And Kathy Kirby? No, I've 366 00:45:00,040 --> 00:45:01,040 never handled them. 367 00:45:03,280 --> 00:45:07,460 I've never represented her, you know, but I think they're a very good act. 368 00:45:07,460 --> 00:45:08,399 should go a long way. 369 00:45:08,400 --> 00:45:09,720 The sooner they start, the better. 370 00:45:12,120 --> 00:45:13,058 Clifford David. 371 00:45:13,060 --> 00:45:16,300 Well, now, I do know a little bit about magic myself. 372 00:45:17,040 --> 00:45:21,140 Now you see it, now you don't. Now you see it, now you don't. Now you see it, 373 00:45:21,140 --> 00:45:22,140 now you don't? 374 00:45:22,540 --> 00:45:24,260 Sounds like a nudist rolling down a hill. 375 00:45:24,680 --> 00:45:30,220 I thought the magician was perhaps just a tiny bit unlucky. 376 00:45:31,120 --> 00:45:34,300 I think if he'd just cut a lady in half, he'd have probably got the half that he 377 00:45:34,300 --> 00:45:35,300 eats. 378 00:45:35,660 --> 00:45:38,220 But all in all, no, jolly good. I give them nine. 379 00:45:38,800 --> 00:45:39,800 Tony Hatch? 380 00:45:39,980 --> 00:45:45,300 Yeah. Well, you know, I like to play whenever I possibly can, but I still 381 00:45:45,300 --> 00:45:49,700 that in this case. I mean, that woman who sang, she had rather a peculiar 382 00:45:49,700 --> 00:45:50,700 for a woman. 383 00:45:51,240 --> 00:45:52,240 Or a man. 384 00:45:52,600 --> 00:45:53,740 Or a camel. 385 00:45:54,720 --> 00:45:58,820 But, I mean, she could sing on What's My Line for a couple of hours and still 386 00:45:58,820 --> 00:45:59,820 fool them. 387 00:46:00,840 --> 00:46:04,380 It seems to me that she's trying to emulate Cilla Black. 388 00:46:05,680 --> 00:46:09,560 I'm not absolutely sure that the world's ready for another Cilla Black. 389 00:46:10,100 --> 00:46:12,400 I'm not even sure they were ready for the first. 390 00:46:14,160 --> 00:46:15,160 Right, 391 00:46:15,780 --> 00:46:19,340 now, well, that makes quite a lot. 392 00:46:21,080 --> 00:46:27,720 Now, that's for content, Ted. Well, I believe in life, liberty, and the 393 00:46:27,720 --> 00:46:28,720 of record wealth. 394 00:46:30,510 --> 00:46:31,610 Vicky Boast. 395 00:46:32,890 --> 00:46:34,430 No, I'd only give him half that. 396 00:46:34,970 --> 00:46:35,970 Six. 397 00:46:36,910 --> 00:46:37,910 Clifford Davis. 398 00:46:37,990 --> 00:46:39,510 They were worth more than that. 399 00:46:40,010 --> 00:46:41,010 Four. 400 00:46:41,430 --> 00:46:43,670 How about you, Tony Hatch? Two. 401 00:46:44,150 --> 00:46:46,770 Well, that makes around 30. 402 00:46:47,690 --> 00:46:53,870 Well, somewhere around... Take the star quality. 403 00:46:54,290 --> 00:46:56,390 Oh, I think definitely six. 404 00:46:57,350 --> 00:46:58,350 Six. 405 00:46:59,770 --> 00:47:00,770 Ricky Boat? 406 00:47:01,070 --> 00:47:06,930 Well, I'd like to give the little old man three, give the old bird two, and 407 00:47:06,930 --> 00:47:09,330 little blonde, I'd like to give her one. 408 00:47:09,910 --> 00:47:13,670 I mean, I'd like to give her one. I'd like her to have one, like. 409 00:47:14,390 --> 00:47:16,390 Make her 18 -all. 410 00:47:17,270 --> 00:47:18,370 What do you say, Clifford? 411 00:47:19,030 --> 00:47:23,530 I thought the contortionist was perhaps stretching things a little bit too far, 412 00:47:23,750 --> 00:47:25,910 but that's only one way of looking at it. 413 00:47:26,250 --> 00:47:28,550 All in all, a resounding success. Congratulations. 414 00:47:29,610 --> 00:47:30,610 Give them three. 415 00:47:30,750 --> 00:47:32,830 Toby Hatch, are you feeling any more generous? 416 00:47:33,970 --> 00:47:40,370 Well, I got up at seven this morning, and I came here at seven, and it's 417 00:47:40,370 --> 00:47:44,190 seven of them in the act, so I'll give them two. 418 00:47:45,470 --> 00:47:51,210 This is in all 101, so Happy Bats is still the winner with 107. 419 00:48:02,380 --> 00:48:03,380 Thank you. 420 00:48:04,040 --> 00:48:06,040 Thank you ladies and gentlemen. Bless you. 421 00:48:06,480 --> 00:48:10,820 Thank you for joining us and we look forward to seeing you all again very 422 00:48:10,820 --> 00:48:12,580 soon. Until then, bye bye. 423 00:49:56,840 --> 00:49:58,580 Thank you.